So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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