I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
