Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Randomize
