A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
