i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
