My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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