booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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