New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
