I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
