Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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