i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Let's get the cat blown out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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