I looked at my own cervix.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
