Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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