ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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