Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
