isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
