There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
