and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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