I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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