She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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