What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
