yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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