Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
