I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
