Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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