My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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