I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
