I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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