i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
