Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
