Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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