the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
