im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
