And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
