dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
