bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
