this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
