I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
