I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
