Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
