I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
