Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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