Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
