so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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