I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
