do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
