we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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