Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
