Define "chronic" masturbator.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
