We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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